remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
