he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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