Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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