Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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