ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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