just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
