Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
