if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
