So drunk its hurt
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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