bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
