so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
