I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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