my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
