1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had to coat check the pizza.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
