I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
