people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
