There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize