Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
