1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
