Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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