I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
