my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
