I just pynch a tree in the face
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
