I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
