Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
