I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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