apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
