Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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