Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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