We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
