life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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