sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
