Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
