watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
