I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
