Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
