4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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