I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
