Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She bit a glass in half.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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