I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
