using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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