Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
