i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
