Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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