Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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