someone threw a dead crab at me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
