you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm too high and old for this...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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