mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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