She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
