evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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