well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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