dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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