Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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