I just made out with a guy for $7.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
