Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
