Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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