I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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