Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
