Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
