You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
