Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish you could order shots online.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
