When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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