the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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