I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
