that's an acceptable place to lick
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
