How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
