don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
