just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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