This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
